


i get by (with a little help from my friends)

by RottenKidNextDoor (PortalofWords)



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Drunk Texting, F/F, F/M, M/M, Sarcasm Galore, but nothing too explicit, carlos is dork, chaotic friendships, evie and mal are good girlfriends, jay does dumb stuff to get attention from carlos, texting au, they discuss sex, uma is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2019-10-20 04:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17615051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PortalofWords/pseuds/RottenKidNextDoor
Summary: "I just heard carlos trying to talk jay out of jumping off the roof and trying to use a bedsheet as a parachute.""christ."oreverything the core four and the sea three do radiates chaos and their text messages are no exception.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy this texting au I wrote because I was bored :) 
> 
> It's crack, it's chaos, and truthfully, I have no idea what do make of this!

 

**og rotten squad**

Friday 10:58 PM

  


**_dragongirl_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_eg_fairest_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl:** any of you fuckers seen jay?

 

 **eg_fairest:** last i saw he was trying to sneak a whole tub of ice cream from the kitchens upstairs

 **_puppynerd_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **puppynerd:** whoever changed my username to puppynerd needs to be kicked in the ass

 

 **dragongirl:** well then your boyfriend is gonna have an interesting spanking tonight, isn’t he?

 

 **puppynerd** : fuck you he’s not my boyfriend

 

 **dragongirl** : he basically is. And for the record, e is cackling over on her bed right now, carlos

 

 **puppynerd** : traitor

 

 **dragongirl** : hey, will anyone answer my question? where is J???

 

 **puppynerd** : probably fucking some cheerleader he was making eyes at earlier

 

 **dragongirl** : someone’s salty

 

 **eg_fairest** : leave him alone, m.

 

 **puppynerd** : thnk u!

 

 **eg_fairest** : he’s heartbroken :) :)

 

 **puppynerd** : nvrmind fuck you too

 

 **_jayyy_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_jayyy_ ** _sent a recording. opened by three._

  
 

 **eg_fairest** : HOKSLD FUCK JAY WE DIDNT NEED TO HEAR THAT JDSKFJLSDJFJ TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF

 

 **dragongirl** : niceeee she sounds good and fucked

 

 **eg_fairest** : go to hell jay

 

 **dragongirl** : sounds like he’s in heaven :) carlos, r u hard yet?

 

 **_puppynerd_ ** _left the chat_

  
 

 **dragongirl** : yep

 

 **eg_fairest** : jay my ears are still hurting

* * *

  
**dickwads from the island**

Saturday 9:45 AM

 

 **_yourcaptain_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_dragongirl_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **yourcaptain** : mornnninngggg fuckers

 

 **dragongirl** : i hate u

 

 **yourcaptain** : ask if i care

 **_carlos_devil_ ** _joined the chat_

 

  **carlos_devil** : hey, has anyone seen my science homework?

 

 **dragongirl** : awww you changed your username back

 

 **yourcaptain** : WHAT WAS IT

 

 **carlos_devil** : mal i will cut you

 

 **dragongirl** : puppynerd :) :) his boyfriend changed it

 

 **carlos_devil** : he’s. not. my. boyfriend.

 

 **yourcaptain** : awwww jay’s too thoughtful sometimes :) :)

 

 **carlos_devil** : anyone else wanna be my friend? I need new ones

 

 **_hooooked_ ** _joined the chat_

  

 **hooooked** : uma where are my pants

 

 **yourcaptain** : :)

 

 **hooooked** : WHERE LUV

 

 **yourcaptain** : :) :) :)

 

 **dragongirl** : ew go sext in your own chat

 

 **_sexgod_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 

 **sexgod** : pup i’ve got your science papers

 

 **carlos_devil** : really, jay? sexgod? I’m embarrassed for you

 

 **sexgod** : did you hear the recording :)

 

 **carlos_devil** : i don’t think i’ll ever be able to look that girl in the eyes again

 

 **sexgod** : :) :) she asked me to send it. said it would be hot

 

 **hooooked** : UMA TOOK MY PANTS

 

 **sexgod** : well then she should change her user to sexgoddess, apparently

 

 **yourcaptain** : i’d be concerned for your dick if i were you. swords cut through penis really nicely

 

 **carlos_devil** : WAIT JAY YOU TOOK MY LAB WRITE UPS??

 

 **sexgod** : wow i realy thought that one might go over your head this time

 

 **_eg_fairest_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **eg_fairest** : it’s too early for this bs everyone

 

 **carlos_devil** : jay you spelled “really” wrong. It’s got two L’s

 

 **sexgod** : realy? :) is that realy so? I think i might just type realy with one L over and over just to annoy your perky little ass

 

 **carlos_devil** : hey uma you still got that sword?

 

 **yourcaptain** : i’ll be over in 5 secs

 

 **_gilandeggs_ ** _joined the chat_

  
 

 **gilandeggs** : wait what’s happening

 

 **hooooked** : oh boy

* * *

 

**babygirls <3**

Saturday 4:15 PM

 

 **_eg_fairest_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_dragongirl_ ** _joined the chat_

  


**eg_fairest** : hey babe

 

 **dragongirl** : i’m sitting right next to u

 

 **eg_fairest** : i know. i like your face

 

 **dragongirl** : stop

 

 **eg_fairest** : :) take the compliment hun

 

 **dragongirl** : jay is being a real pain in the ass, isn’t he?

 

 **eg_fairest** : i know. i just heard carlos trying to talk him out of jumping off the roof while trying to use a bedsheet as a parachute

 

 **dragongirl** : christ

* * *

 

  
**og rotten squad**

Saturday 4:30 PM

 

 **_jayyy_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_dragongirl_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_eg_fairest_ ** _joined the chat_

  


**jayyy** : guys wait till you see carlos’ new username

 

 **eg_fairest** : i’m just glad yours isn’t sexgod anymore

 

 **jayyy** : WAIT WHAT? dammit carlos told me he was just borrowing my phone to check the weather

 

 **dragongirl** : dumbass

 

 **_dalmationgooddick_ ** _joined the chat_

  
 

 **dalmationgooddick** : this isn’t funny

 

 **jayyy** : :) :) :)

 

 **dragongirl** : jay that’s gay

 

 **dalmationgooddick** : he’s not my boyfriend

 

 **jayyy** : hi babe

 

 **dalmationgooddick** : just because FG took uma’s sword doesn’t mean she won’t get it back soon

 

 **dragongirl** : i think going dickless will be good for mr. sexgod

 

 **jayyy** : ya carlos why did you change mine back?

 

 **dalmationgooddick** : BECAUSE

 

 **jayyy** : someone sent me the key for tomorrow’s history of royal charters and councils quiz

 

 **dragongirl** : send it to me

 

 **_jayyy_ ** _sent a photo. opened by three._

 **_dragongirl_ ** _took a screenshot_

 

 

 **dalmationgooddick** : the definition for number three on there is wrong. The Provinces Act of 1600 wasn’t supposed to STOP the colonizing, just divide up open territories equally

 

 **dragongirl:** i know ur saying super smart shit but it's hard to take you seriously with that username

 

 **dalmationgooddick** : one of these days I'm gonna murder you so badly jay

* * *

 

 

  **“the smart kids”**

Yesterday 10:50 AM

 

 **_eg_fairest_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_carlos_devil_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 

 **eg_fairest** : changed your name back again i see

 

 **carlos_devil** : as if i’d actually leave it as dalmationgooddick

 

 **eg_fairest** : he likes you, you know

 

 **carlos_devil** : im snorting

 

 **eg_fairest** : i’m serious, hun

 

 **carlos_devil** : you’re out of your mind. evie. I love you. but seriously.

 

 **eg_fairest** : i’m serious, sweetheart :)

 

 **_carlos_devil_ ** _left the chat_

 **_carlos_devil_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **carlos_devil** : sorry jay turned the tv up so high the walls were shaking

 

 **eg_fairest** : every time he does stupid shit, you give him attention

 

 **carlos_devil** : I’m saving his ass from expulsion or detention

 

 **eg_fairest** : jay has the biggest, fattest crush on you. you'll see.

* * *

   
**enemies 4 lyfe**

Yesterday 10:50 AM

 

 **_dragongirl_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl:** uma

 

 **dragongirl** : uma

 

 **dragongirl** : uma

 

 **dragongirl** : uma

 

 **dragongirl** : UMA GET YOUR SEAWEED SMELLING ASS ONLINE

 

 **_yourcaptain_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **yourcaptain** : i got my sword back fucking chill

 

 **dragongirl** : too late. i need your fucking man

 

 **yourcaptain** : which one

 

 **dragongirl** : the annoying one

 

 **yourcaptain** : still not specific enough

 

 **dragongirl** : send harry down to my room HE HAS EVIE’S EYELINER AND SHE’S GONNA KICK MY ASS IF SHE KNOWS I LET HIM BORROW IT

 

 **yourcaptain** : alright alright you’re high strung, you know that?

 

 **dragongirl** : bye. also, did jay swing by your place?

 

 **yourcaptain** : has he manned up and shown his dick to carlos? maybe confessed his feelings, too?

 

 **dragongirl** : alright alright i don’t need that sass i was just wondering. and yeah they’re both dumber than you are.

* * *

   
**og rotten squad**

Yesterday 11:30 AM

 

 **_dragongirl_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_eg_fairest_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : where is everyone? why isn’t anyone at our normal lunch table?

 

 **eg_fairest** : bby i told you i have to finish a lab with carlos at lunch today. sorry :(

 

 **_pupsgotpenis_ ** _joined the chat_

  
 

 **pupsgotpenis** : mal, if you see jay MURDER HIM FOR ME

 

 **dragongirl** : i think i’ll just give him a high five. he’s been such an asshole lately. i love it.

 

 **pupsgotpenis** : don't encourage this behaviour!

 

 **eg_fairest** : carlossss… remember our conversation…

 

 **dragongirl** : what convo? tell me! don’t go off talking to each other without me!

 

 **pupsgotpenis** : awww mal feels left out. how adorable.

 

 **eg_fairest** : the chat is called smart kids, M

 

 **dragongirl** : well jay doesn’t have to join it but i can!

  

 **_jayyy_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 

 **jayyy** : aiiiiiiii nice username pup

 

 **pupsgotpenis** : you have serious issues

* * *

   
**dickwads from the island**

Yesterday 11:45 AM

 

 **_UMAWHEREAREMYPANTS_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_yourcaptain_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 

 **UMAWHEREAREMYPANTS** : hey uma, luv….. WHERE ARE MY PANTS

 

 **yourcaptain** : :)

 

 **_dragongirl_ ** _joined the chat_

  
 

 **dragongirl** : oh lord this again. harry have you just been walking around without pants all weekend?

 

 **UMAWHEREAREMYPANTS** : no. it might come as a surprise to your purple-leathered ass, but i actually own more than one pair of pants. it’s just whenever we have sex, she hides them and then when i wake up I CANT FUCKING FIND THEM

 

 **yourcaptain** : i like you better without pants

 

 **dragongirl** : i’m not gonna be your relationship counselor

 

 **yourcaptain** : we wouldn’t choose you if we needed one anyway

 

 **_eg_fairest_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **eg_fairest** : ok i’m really concerned about harry’s pants problem but - someone - used my eyeliner and i know it wasn’t mal so i’m blaming you hook!

 

 **_UMAWHEREAREMYPANTS_ ** _left the chat_

 **_jayyy_ ** _joined the chat_

  
 

 **jayyy** : guess who just fucked a girl in the locker rooms without getting caught?

 

 **dragongirl** : well we know it wasn’t carlos

 

 **yourcaptain** : ooh ouch fucking roasted him

 

 **eg_fairest** : uma carlos is gay

 

 **yourcaptain** : oh yeah that’s right

* * *

 

**the better thief mal and her minion jay**

Yesterday 12:13 PM

 

 **_dragongirl_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_jayyy_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 

 **jayyy:** hey who named this groupchat?!?! they’re a fucking liar

 

 **dragongirl** : :)

 

 **jayyy** : i’m a wayyy better thief than you are

 

 **dragongirl** : you wish

 **_jayyy_ ** _left the chat_

 **_dragongirl_ ** _left the chat_

 

Yesterday 10:04 PM

  
 

 **dragongirl** : u like carlos

 

 **jayyy** : huh

 

 **dragongirl** : yes u read it right

 

 **jayyy** : i don’t catch feelings

 

 **dragongirl** : good cause i set him up on a date

 

 **jayyy** : cool. yeah. that sounds fun.

 

 **dragongirl** : yeah i think they’ll really hit it off. it wouldn’t surprise me if they hooked up tonight too

 

 **jayyy** : ok no need to rub it in you absolute asshat

 

 **dragongirl** : AHAH!

 

 **jayyy** : …

 

 **dragongirl** : U JUST ADMITTED IT

 

 **jayyy** : i swear to fucking god maleficent bertha if you tell anyone ANYONE i will curse your vagina

  

 **_dragongirl_ ** _took a screenshot_

  

 **dragongirl** : you owe me big time. I’ve got blackmail on you now. and i’m telling evie because i can.

 

 **jayyy** : shit shit shit shit shit

 ** _jayyy_ ** _left the chat_

* * *

 

**babygirls <3**

Yesterday 10:10 PM

 

 **_dragongirl_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_eg_fairest_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 

 **dragongirl** : GUESS WHAT

 

 **eg_fairest** : what

   ** _dragongirl_ ** _sent a photo. opened by one._

 **_eg_fairest_ ** _took a screenshot._

  

 **eg_fairest** : O

 

 **eg_fairest** : M

 

 **eg_fairest** : F

 

 **eg_fairest** : G

 

 **dragongirl** : YOU OWE ME FIVE BUCKS I TOLD YOU MAKING HIM JEALOUS WOULD WORK

 

 **eg_fairest** : does carlos know yet???

 

 **dragongirl** : jay doesn’t want me to tell.

 

 **eg_fairest** : damn

* * *

 

**whatsssupprincess**

Yesterday 11:02 PM

  


**_imdrunkbabes_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_eg_fairest_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 

 **imdrunkbabes:** heyyyyyyyyyyy

 

 **eg_fairest** : jay? where are you?

 

 **imdrunkbabes** : me and los’s ropm

 

 **imdrunkbabes** : *roin

 

 **imdrunkbabes** : **rooon

 

 **imdrunkbabes** : fckk ut

 

 **eg_fairest** : sweet hades how many have you had

 

 **imdrunkbabes** : []\\]

 

 **eg_fairest** : those are symbols not numbers

 

 **imdrunkbabes** : los id calking byeeee

  

 **_imdrunkbabes_ ** _left the chat_

 

 **_imdrunkbabes_ ** _joined the chat_

  

 **imdrunkbabes** : oopsd

 

 **_imdrunkbabes_ ** _left the chat_

* * *

  
**babygirls <3 + uma’s crew**

Yesterday 11:10 PM

 

 **_eg_fairest_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **eg_fairest** : update: carlos and jay are drunk as fuck  


**_dragongirl_ ** _joined the chat_

 **_hooooked_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl:** niceeeee

 

 **hooooked** : ok so?

 

 **eg_fairest** : think we can get them to admit their feelings? jay keeps doing dumb shit to get carlos’ attention. i want them to finally get their dumbasses together

 

 **hooooked** : ohhh slick, luv  

 

 **_gilandeggs_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **gilandeggs** : hey guys? there’s some really questionable noises coming from down the hall

 

 **dragongirl** : WHAT NOISES FROM WHERE WITH WHO

 

 **gilandeggs** : carlos and jay’s dorm. there’s a lot of banging.

 

 **hooooked** : think they’re fucking?

 

 **dragongirl** : five bucks they’re wasted and naked

* * *

 

**pup and thief**

Today 6:13 AM

 

 **_carlos_devil_ ** _joined the chat_

 **carlos_devil** : Hey Jay. I don’t know where you are, but I felt you leave the bed this morning and go out the door and I haven’t been able to sleep since. I just wanted to let you know that I won’t tell anyone about last night if it’s this awkward. We don’t have to talk about it at all, really. It was a one-time thing, and you don’t owe me anything. Can things not be weird between us now?

 

 **_jayyy_ ** _joined the chat_

 

 **jayyy** : christ i was going to get some breakfast to surprise you, de vil. i don’t need a whole damn breakup letter. last night was good. i promise.

 

 **carlos_devil** : fuck! you couldn’t have left a note?! that took me like thirty minutes of pure anxiety to write. my hands are still shaking

 

 **jayyy** : just as long as your legs are shaking too :) :)

 

 **carlos_devil** : haven’t tried them yet. don’t want to.

 

 **jayyy** : standing in line rn. be back soon. want your usual?

 

 **carlos_devil** : yesssss thnx

 

 **jayyy** : also… why are like five pairs of harry’s pants hanging from the flagpole??!

 

 **carlos_devil** : cause uma is a little shit

 

 **jayyy** : righttttt. are you dressed yet?

 

 **carlos_devil** : what do u think? i woke up naked and hungover in your bed

 

 **Jayyy** : yeah, i see your point. just… stay like that until i get back, k?

 

 **carlos_devil** : :) k

  
  
  



	2. part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because you all responded so well to the first part of this, I wrote a little continuation! Enjoy more virtual chaos :) 
> 
> ps: ben might make an appearance this time around, too :)

**dickwads from the island**

Monday 6:03 AM

 

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : has anyone seen jay and carlos

 

 **dragongirl** : GUYS

 

 **dragongirl** : E I KNOW YOU’RE NOT STILL ASLEEP PICK UP YOUR DAMN PHONE

 

_**eg_fairest** joined the chat_

 

 **eg_fairest** : evil, m, what’s going on?

 

 **dragongirl** : finally. I can’t find the boys.

_**yourcaptain** joined the chat_

 

 **yourcaptain** : mal, quit your bitching. why is this our problem?

 

 **dragongirl** : who invited you

 

 **yourcaptain** : you. when you made this group chat weeks ago.

 

 **dragongirl** : big mistake

 

 **yourcaptain** : have you checked the closets?

 

 **eg_fairest** : that’s low even for you uma

 

 **yourcaptain** : fcking hell, I didn't mean it like that, princess. harry caught them making out in various storage rooms like three times this week

 

 **dragongirl** : alright, chill. so who wants to help me scour the closets and drag their asses back upstairs?

 

_**eg_fairest** left the chat_

_**yourcaptain** left the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : I need new friends

* * *

 

  **“the smart kids”**

Monday 7:20 AM

 

_**carlos_gayvil** joined the chat_

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : hey i heard mal was looking for me earlier. everything good?

 

_**eg_fairest** joined the chat_

 

 **eg_fairest** : she gave up about a half hour ago and went back to bed.

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : niceee

 

 **eg_fairest** : did jay change your username again?

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : yep but i decided to keep it. i think it’s kinda funny.

 

 **eg_fairest** : you’re so cute

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : stop it

 

 **eg_fairest** : so... where were you this morning….?  

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : :)

 

 **eg_fairest** : naughty boy

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : shhhhhhh

 

 **eg_fairest** : i got a new outfit for you to try <3 jay’s gonna flip. come over

* * *

  **pup and thief**

Monday 7:31 AM

 

_**jayyy** joined the chat_

 

 **jayyy** : pup where’d you go?

 

_**carlos_gayvil** joined the chat_

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : shit sorry i forgot to text you. evie has a new outfit for me.

 

 **jayyy** : oh ok

 

 **jayyy** : the locker room showers sure are nice when you get down there early :) we should do it again sometime soon. you have a cute ass, especially when it’s wet

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : fuck dude!!!! what if evie was reading over my shoulder??

 

 **jayyy** : welp

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : i hate you

 

 **jayyy** : nah

 

* * *

  **babygirls <3**

Monday 7:31 AM

 

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : psst E

 

 **dragongirl:** ask carlos where he was this morning

 

 **dragongirl** : E!

 

_**eg_fairest** joined the chat_

 

 **eg_fairest** : leave him alone i’m sure he had a nice morning

 

 **dragongirl** : oh so porn is nice now

 

 **eg_fairest** : we’re literally five feet away from you. just talk to us like a normal person

 

 **dragongirl** : I’m not a normal person!!!

 

* * *

  **babygirls <3 + uma’s crew**

Monday 7:32

 

_**yourcaptain** joined the chat_

 

 **yourcaptain** : hey fuckers

 

_**hooooked** joined the chat_

 

 **hooooked** : who are you calling a fucker

 

 **yourcaptain** : mal

 

 **hooooked** : ah, of course. sorry luv

 

 **yourcaptain** : come to my room i miss you

 

 **hooooked** : gil said he stopped by the morning

 

 **yourcaptain:** what i wanna do works better if you’re there too :) :)

 

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : THIS. IS. NOT. A. PRIVATE. CHAT.

 

 **yourcaptain** : there’s the fucker

 

 **dragongirl** : see, i know what happens next. y'all's asses disappear for an hour and then harry joins crying about his missing pants. I’m onto you.  

 

 **yourcaptain** : well well well if it isn’t sherlock holmes

 

 **hooooked:** who?

 

 **yourcaptain** : detective?? solves crimes? deduces shit?

 

 **hooooked** : does he have a boat?

 

 **yourcaptain:** no, he’s a detective not a pirate

 

 **hooooked:** he needs a boat

 

 **dragongirl** : i hate you guys i hate you guys i hate you guys

 

_**yourcaptain** removed **dragongirl** from the chat_

* * *

  **og rotten squad + the king of fucking auradon**

Monday 8:04 AM

 

_**benflorian** joined the chat_

 

 **benflorian** : hey guys can we change the name of this? my parents might see this

 

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

_**jayyy** joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : oh my god

 

 **jayyy** : AURADON SUCKS LETS START A REVOLUTION

 

 **benflorian** : guys!

 

 **dragongirl:** OFF WITH HIS HEAD

 

_**eg_fairest** joined the chat_

 

 **eg_fairest** : shit

 

 **eg_fairest** : i mean shoot

 

 **eg_fairest:** ben your parents care about cussing???

 

 **benflorian** : yours don’t?

 

 **dragongirl** : my mom calls me little shit more than she calls me mal

 

 **jayyy** : pretty sure my first word was an arabic cuss word

 

 **benflorian** : um….

 

_**eg_fairest** renamed the chat **og rotten squad + the *nice* king of auradon**_

 

 **eg_fairest** : you’re welcome ben

 

 **dragongirl** : soirée shitter

 

 **benflorian** : you mean… party pooper?

 

 **dragongirl** : fiesta fucker

 

 **eg_grimhilde:** i wouldn’t be throwing stones, mal. you have yet to return with my coffee. the designer and her model are very thirsty.

 

 **jayyy:** wait, is los still with you?

 

 **eg_grimhilde** : he’ll be done soon :) the outfit is to die for

 

 **jayyy** : he’s gonna be the death of me anyway

 

 **benflorian:** you guys have such a supportive friendship

 

 **dragongirl** : “friendship”

 

 **benflorian** : ?

 

 **dragongirl** : they’ve got a lot more going on in their pants than that

 

 **benflorian** : ???

 

 **dragongirl:** oh benjamin

 

 **dragongirl** : jay’s dick

 

 **dragongirl** : goes in

 

 **dragongirl** : carlos’s

 

 **jayyy** : HOLY FUCK MAL HIS VIRGIN EYES MIGHT BLEED OUT IF YOU FINISH THAT SENTENCE. besides sometimes it’s the other way around :))))

 

 **eg_fairest** : ben cover your eyes

 

_**eg_fairest** removed **dragongirl** from the chat_

 

 **benflorian** : so…. you’re like gay?

 

 **jayyy:** oh my god

* * *

  **babygirls <3**

Monday 8:10 AM

 

_**eg_fairest** joined the chat_

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

 

 **eg_fairest** : damn bby you’re getting kicked out of chats all over the place today. I saw uma kicked you out, too

 

 **dragongirl** : uma is a bitch

 

 **eg_fairest** : you’re cute when you’re feisty

 

 **dragongirl** : no i’m not. also i’m pretty sure uma’s getting some right now that fucker

 

 **eg_fairest** : when I finish with carlos’ clothes i’m a free woman :)

 

 **dragongirl:** mmmmm

 

* * *

  **og rotten squad**

Monday 9:30 AM

 

_**jayyy** joined the chat_

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

_**carlos_gayvil** joined the chat_

 

 **jayyy** : let’s play a game called how many times can mal get kicked out of group chats this morning

 

 **dragongirl** : shut up

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : evie put the final touches on her new outfit for me

 

 **jayyy** : send a pic send a pic send a pic

 

_**carlos_gayvil** sent a photo. opened by two_

_**jayyy** took a screenshot_

 

 **dragongirl** : hot damnnn de vil

 

 **jayyy** : fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk you look so good

 

_**jayyy** left the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : he’s gonna go use your picture to do you know what. his dick controls like 99% of his brain

 

_**jayyy** joined the chat_

 

 **jayyy** : no asshat i just had to record tomorrow’s tourney game so I can watch it when I get home from practice. besides, I already got my action this morning :)

 

 **dragongirl** : i swear, is everyone just having sex today?

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : ask mr. sexgod

 

_**jayyy** left the chat_

_**sexgod** joined the chat_

 

 **sexgod** : thanks for reminding me pup

 

 **dragongirl** : what do you see in him? 

* * *

  **sea3**

Monday 6:45 PM

 

_**yourcaptain** joined the chat_

 

 **yourcaptain** : hey, does anyone have the notes for history of heroes?

 

_**hooookedonuma** joined the chat_

 

 **hooookedonuma** : ya mean history of fuckheads?

 

 **yourcaptain** : sure whatever i need the notes

 

 **hooookedonuma** : sorry luv don’t have them

 

 **yourcaptain** : wtf then why’d you come online??

 

 **hooookedonuma** : to show you my new username :)

 

_**gilandeggsanduma** joined the chat_

 

 **gilandeggsanduma** : :)

 

 **yourcaptain:** i’m literally dating a bunch of idiots

 

 **hooookedonuma** : :))))))))

 

 **gilandeggsanduma** : :)))))))))

 

_**yourcaptain** left the chat_

 

 **gilandeggsanduma** : wait uma i have the notes….

 

 **hooookedonuma** : she left gil

* * *

  **og rotten squad + the *nice* king of auradon**

Tuesday 8:32 AM

 

_**eg_fairest** joined the chat_

 

 **eg_fairest** : hey jay where are you class started 30 minutes ago

 

_**sexgod** joined the chat_

 

 **sexgod** : about that

 

 **eg_fairest** : FG said if you missed another class you’d get detention

 

 **sexgod** : what FG doesn’t know won’t hurt her

 

 **eg_fairest** : pretty sure she knows. she’s subbing this class.

 

 **sexgod** : fuck

 

 **eg_fairest** : where are you anyway?

 

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

_**sexgod** sent a picture. opened by two_

 

 **eg_fairest** : you went swimming???

 

 **dragongirl** : evie? on her phone? during class? is the world ending?

 

 **dragongirl** : wait jay is that the enchanted lake???

 

 **eg_fairest** : carlos looks cute. tell him I say hi.

 

 **sexgod** : will do

 

 **dragongirl:** is the water warm?

 

_**benflorian** joined the chat_

 

 **benflorian** : guys you do realize that you’re admitting to cutting class in a group chat with the king, right?

 

 **sexgod** : what are you gonna do about it :)

 

 **benflorian** : who is sexgod?

 

 **sexgod** : me. jay. hello. nice to meet you.

 

 **dragongirl** : no one ever answered my question! is the water warm??

 

_**carlos_gayvil** joined the chat_

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : geez you guys give me my date back

 

 **benflorian** : good morning carlos

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : oh nice we’re texting in the royal groupchat. classy af.

 

 **sexgod** : sorry pup i’m coming

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : that’s what he said :)

 

_**sexgod** left the chat_

_**carlos_gayvil** left the chat_

 

 **benflorian** : huh?

 

 **eg_fairest:** just ignore them.

 

 **dragongirl:** IS. THE. WATER. WARM????

 

_**eg_fairest** left the chat_

_**benflorian** left the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : ok fuck you guys too

* * *

  **og rotten squad**

Tuesday 9:20 PM

 

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : me and evie are coming over to hang pls be dressed

 

_**carlos_gayvil** joined the chat_

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : jay is napping

 

 **dragongirl** : it’s not napping if you fall asleep AT NIGHT

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : bring that up with him not me

 

 **dragongirl** : are you dressed?

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : christ. yes.

 

 **dragongirl** : see you in a sec

* * *

  **enemies 4 lyfe**

Yesterday 8:50 AM

 

_**yourcaptain** joined the chat_

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

 

 **yourcaptain** : heyyyyyyy

 

 **dragongirl** : r u drunk

 

 **yourcaptain** : no! wtf! It’s 8 am. and if i was, i wouldn't be drunk texting you bitch

 

 **dragongirl** : well you used too many y’s. why did you use that many?

 

 **yourcaptain** : sometimes I don’t know why I even come on here.

 

 **dragongirl** : what do you want?

 

 **yourcaptain** : it’s not what i want it’s what you want

 

_**dragongirl** left the chat_

 

 **yourcaptain** : MAL

 

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : what

 

_**yourcaptain** sent a photo. opened by one._

_**dragongirl** took a screenshot_

 

 **dragongirl** : shsjskssksksk WHO TOOK THIS??

 

 **yourcaptain** : harry. told you jay and de vil like messing around in closets. look how red de vil’s face is

 

 **dragongirl** : i love having blackmail on jay. best feeling ever.

 

 **yourcaptain** : ur welcome

 

 **dragongirl** : i didn’t say thank you bitch

 

 **yourcaptain** : UR WELCOME

 

 **dragongirl** : still not saying it

 

 _ **yourcaptain** removed **dragongirl** from the chat_ 

* * *

  **og rotten squad + the *nice* king of auradon**

Yesterday 9:00 AM

 

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

_**eg_fairest** joined the chat_

_**benflorian** joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : what’s red, has freckles, and likes to get hot and heavy with his bf in the storage closet?

 

_**carlos_gayvil** joined the chat._

_**dragongirl** sent a photo. opened by three._

 

 **eg_fairest** : OOH

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : shit shit shit shit how’d you get that? harry walked in on us! it’s not my fault!

 

 **benflorian:** um…

 

 **dragongirl** : shit i meant to send this to og rotten squad only. sorry ben.  

 

 **carlos_gayvil:** MAL

 

 **dragongirl** : nice cheeks there, freckles

 

_**carlos_gayvil** left the chat_

 

 **benflorian** : is he ok?

 

 **dragongirl** : oh please he’s fine

 

 **eg_fairest** : you better watch your back, tho, m. his revenge hits hard

 

 **benflorian** : is this how things always are between you guys?

 

 **dragongirl** : you mean blackmail and revenge? yep pretty much

 

* * *

  **pup and thief**

Yesterday 9:06 AM

 

_**carlos_gayvil** joined the chat_

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : harry sent that picture of us

 

_**sexgod** joined the chat_

 

 **sexgod:** well fuck him too

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : we gotta get him and mal back good

 

 **sexgod** : why mal? I mean, she probably deserves it but what did she do this time?

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : she sent it to the group chat

 

 **sexgod** : hahaha

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : WITH BEN

 

 **sexgod:** HAHAHAHA

 

 **sexgod** : wait

 

 **sexgod** : pup i got an idea

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : ????

 

 **sexgod** : meet me at our room really quick. can’t leave a paper trail

 

* * *

  **dickwads from the island**

Today 6:18 AM

 

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

_**yourcaptain** joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : HOLY HELL WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSWADS IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?

 

 **yourcaptain** : ah my favorite thing to wake up to in the morning. mal’s salty ass yelling in the group chat

 

 **dragongirl** : did you do this?

 

 **yourcaptain** : gonna have to be more specific

 

 **dragongirl** : DID YOU?

 

_**sexgod** joined the chat_

_**carlos_gayvil** joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : hi boys

 

 **dragongirl** : I SAID HI BOYS

 

 **dragongirl** : WHY JOIN THE CHAT IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA SAY ANYTHING

 

 **dragongirl** : wait…

 

_**hooookedonuma** joined the chat_

 

 **hooookedonuma** : WHO REPLACED ALL MY UNDERWEAR WITH PINK LACY THONGS?

 

 **dragongirl:** U TOO??

 

 **dragongirl** : wait shit unsend

 

 **dragongirl** : HOW DO YOU UNSEND A TEXT??

 

 **yourcaptain** : i stand corrected. the best thing to wake up to is mal and harry getting pink lace underwear. my bad.

 

 **dragongirl:** j and carlos aren’t saying anything. they did this. i know it was you, asshats

 

 **sexgod** : well if you’re so upset by it, why don’t you just not wear any underwear at all :)

 

 **dragongirl** : YOU. ARE. THE. WORST.

 

 **sexgod** : :)

 

 **hooookedonuma:** it’s revenge, luv. for the picture

 

 **dragongirl** : HEY I WASN’T THE ONE MAKING OUT IN CLOSET!

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : i mean, you could always borrow evie’s underwear :)

 

_**dragongirl**  left the chat_

_**dragongirl** joined the chat_

 

 **dragongirl** : HERS ISN’T HERE EITHER WHERE IS EVIE’S UNDERWEAR AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT - WHERE THE FUCK IS EVIE?

 

_**yourcaptain** removed **dragongirl** from the chat_

 

 **yourcaptain** : you’re welcome auradon

* * *

**revenge is cool**

Today 6:20 AM

 

_**carlos_gayvil** joined the chat_

_**eg_fairest** joined the chat_

_**gilandeggsanduma** joined the chat_

 

 **carlos_gayvil:** thank you both for your service. you can pick up the rest of your underwear from jay and my room.

 

 **eg_fairest** : happy to help :) besides, I think mal’s gonna learn to enjoy those lacy pink ones with a little help from me

 

 **gilandeggsanduma** : do you have the chocolate you promised?

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : absolutely. pick it up with your underwear. how mad was harry when he found out?

 

 **gilandeggsanduma:** i took a video

 

 **carlos_gayvil:** i’ll get you chocolate for a week if you send it

 

_**gilandeggsanduma** sent a video. opened by two._

_**carlos_gayvil** saved one attachment_

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : gil you’re my hero 

* * *

  **pup and thief**

Today 7:00 AM

 

_**carlos_gayvil** joined the chat_

_**sexgod** joined the chat_

_**carlos_gayvil** sent a video_

 

 **sexgod** : why did he scream like that?

 

 **carlos_gayvil:** nah nah the best part is when he waved his hook around butt fucking naked

 

 **sexgod** : we’re fucking revenge gods.

 

_**carlos_gayvil** renamed the chat **pup and thief: revenge gods**_

 

 **sexgod** : fucking goals

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : :) :) harry should walk in on us more often

 

 **sexgod** : … well in order for that to happen we’d need to be getting it on… :)

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : sounds like an invitation. meet you upstairs in five.

 

 **sexgod** : fuck de vil

 

 **carlos_gayvil** : isn’t that what we’re planning to do :) :)

 

_**sexgod** left the chat_

_**carlos_gayvil** left the chat_

**Author's Note:**

> note: the eg in evie's username stands for "evie grimhilde" in case that wasn't clear 
> 
> hope you all like these strange little piece!


End file.
